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Partners For Life?
By Andrew Perretti
By Andrew Perretti
Statistically, the average marriage in the United
States lasts 7 years. I personally have said; " till
death do us part " four times, (twice to my third
ex-wife). One in three first marriages ends in
divorce as do two out of three second
marriages. Don't let anyone convince you that the
third time is a charm either! It's only a charm if
Charm is your last name!
A University of Minnesota study of 15,000
married couples concluded that 50% of married
people will never be happy unless they
participate in some sort of therapy. I for one was
in counselling four times per week with my
second ex-wife. Once per week with a licensed
psychotherapist, and three times per week with
elders of our church. The effort I put into that
relationship through counselling did in fact help
momentarily until she tried to stab me with a
twelve in kitchen knife. The therapist didn't see
that one coming!
About 30% of married couples express little love,
seldom talk to one another, and experience very
little joy. Only about 25% of couples have really
good marriages. There are about 25% that could
achieve a good marriage through on going self
help. I'm no expert on staying married, but I do
know how to get married having done it four
times. There is a certain amount of excitement
during the planning phase which gives a couple
something to do together. I remember planning
a wedding in NYC so our families could attend,
but we in fact lived in Northern Virginia. Frequent
trips to NYC during the planning phase were on
the one hand romantic, while on the other hand
a bit physically draining and wrought with anxiety.
Divorce is no picnic either. If you think the grass
is greener on the other side you are mistaken. I
went from the frying pan into the fire when I
divorced #1 and married #2. Recovery is
emotionally draining and a slow process. After
splitting up with my first, I wished I hadn't.
Statistically, 80% regret their divorce five years
later and that they think it could have been
avoided. I truly believe that it is easier to put
more effort into a marriage then it is to get
divorced and start over.
If you are both committed to saving your
marriage, then marriage counseling is an
effective option. Is it worth wasting all of those
years together simply because you are too
embarrassed to discuss your problems with a
professional? On the contrary, seeking help
shows that you are dedicated , strong and are
willing to do whatever it takes to get your
marriage back on track. That wasn't the case
with my first marriage. My ex-wife didn't feel our
marriage of ten years was worth saving. I
remember her saying; "We're running in different
circles now." I told her that she was running in a
circle not me. I was on a straight path of God,
family and career. Ahhh... could that be a clue to
a successful marriage? I certainly think that if
you and your spouse are walking on the same
path where both put God, family and career in
that order, then with faith, hope and love you can
weather any storm.
States lasts 7 years. I personally have said; " till
death do us part " four times, (twice to my third
ex-wife). One in three first marriages ends in
divorce as do two out of three second
marriages. Don't let anyone convince you that the
third time is a charm either! It's only a charm if
Charm is your last name!
A University of Minnesota study of 15,000
married couples concluded that 50% of married
people will never be happy unless they
participate in some sort of therapy. I for one was
in counselling four times per week with my
second ex-wife. Once per week with a licensed
psychotherapist, and three times per week with
elders of our church. The effort I put into that
relationship through counselling did in fact help
momentarily until she tried to stab me with a
twelve in kitchen knife. The therapist didn't see
that one coming!
About 30% of married couples express little love,
seldom talk to one another, and experience very
little joy. Only about 25% of couples have really
good marriages. There are about 25% that could
achieve a good marriage through on going self
help. I'm no expert on staying married, but I do
know how to get married having done it four
times. There is a certain amount of excitement
during the planning phase which gives a couple
something to do together. I remember planning
a wedding in NYC so our families could attend,
but we in fact lived in Northern Virginia. Frequent
trips to NYC during the planning phase were on
the one hand romantic, while on the other hand
a bit physically draining and wrought with anxiety.
Divorce is no picnic either. If you think the grass
is greener on the other side you are mistaken. I
went from the frying pan into the fire when I
divorced #1 and married #2. Recovery is
emotionally draining and a slow process. After
splitting up with my first, I wished I hadn't.
Statistically, 80% regret their divorce five years
later and that they think it could have been
avoided. I truly believe that it is easier to put
more effort into a marriage then it is to get
divorced and start over.
If you are both committed to saving your
marriage, then marriage counseling is an
effective option. Is it worth wasting all of those
years together simply because you are too
embarrassed to discuss your problems with a
professional? On the contrary, seeking help
shows that you are dedicated , strong and are
willing to do whatever it takes to get your
marriage back on track. That wasn't the case
with my first marriage. My ex-wife didn't feel our
marriage of ten years was worth saving. I
remember her saying; "We're running in different
circles now." I told her that she was running in a
circle not me. I was on a straight path of God,
family and career. Ahhh... could that be a clue to
a successful marriage? I certainly think that if
you and your spouse are walking on the same
path where both put God, family and career in
that order, then with faith, hope and love you can
weather any storm.